by Billy Kirk January 03, 2018

Hellcat. Speed demon. Ludicrous safety hazard? Brilliant billionaire’s moonshot? (More on that later).

No matter how you choose to label the new and upcoming Tesla Roadster, there’s no denying it: it’s f***ing fast.

Just how fast? Read on, thrill seeker, for all the scintillating details.

The 2020 Tesla Roadster: Record-Breaking, Earth-Shattering Performance

Sure, the new 2 + 2 Tesla Roadster (that’s two seats in the front and two tiny ass seats for storage or the ill-advised inclusion of a child) won’t kick off production until 2020, but it’s not too early to positively drool over what that lovable, speed-obsessed madman Musk has cooked up for the new iteration.

The all-electric, second-generation Roadster is all about taking previous performance benchmarks and dumping a vigorous shit all over them. Really. You thought a Ferrari was fast? A Lambo speedy? Musk has basically taken a time out to tell you to go screw yourself.

OK, we know, this all sounds like hyperbole. But it really isn’t. Here’s the breakdown:

  • All-wheel drive
  • Three electric motors
  • A 200 kWh lithium-ion battery pack that provides approx. 630 miles of range on a single charge (really—that compares to just 315 on the original Roadster)
  • 7,376 pound-feet of torque (horsepower numbers not yet available)
  • Zero to sixty MPH in 1.9 seconds

Wait, wut?

Yeah, we kinda slipped that last one in on ya real sneaky like, but we’re not messing around. The 2020 Tesla Roadster will deliver a 0-60 time of an absurd 1.9 seconds. Also, it somehow manages a 0-100 time of 4.2 seconds and runs the quarter mile in only 8.8. Stupid fast.

Oh, and its top speed is greater than 250 MPH. Needless to say, no worries there, either.

One pain point that will definitely have you worrying, however: the price. When it releases in 2020, the new Roadster will run you a cool 200 gs for the base model.

“Where We’re Going, We Don’t Need Roads”

This Roadster really is otherworldly. Or it will be.

Just because he can, Musk—remember, this is the guy behind both Tesla and SpaceX—plans to utilize the latter’s Falcon Heavy rocket to blast the Roadster into space. It’s a show-stopping stunt meant to highlight the Falcon Heavy’s maiden voyage, which will shoot it and the Roadster into an orbit with the sun that takes it close to Mars.

This really is all friggin’ ridiculous (and awesome), isn’t it?

There isn’t a hard date yet set for the Falcon Heavy launch, but Musk and co. are aiming for “early 2018.”

So, what’s more likely? A successful Falcon Heavy/Roadster launch that rockets to the Red Planet, or you having at least $200,000 to blow by 2020?

Start placing your bets now.

Billy Kirk
Billy Kirk