May 09, 2018

To celebrate the end of school, this is a tribute to all those times college students sent their professors woefully terrible and misguided emails while drunk, inattentive, or hopped up on Hydrocodone.

The misspellings are plentiful, the expressions are mind-numbing, and the requests are often as “hail mary” as you can get. It’s all pretty wonderful. Enjoy!


1. “I am worried”

Short, sweet, and to the point. Need anything else really be said?


2. Mixed-Up Medications 

Those wisdom teeth painkillers are some goooood stuff.


3. “Aloud” vs. “Allowed” 

Well, that’s one quick way to make your professor believe you’re an idiot.


4. “Good Yard”

This one has the perfect professor response, too! (Hat tip to BGR.)


5. P.S. My Hands Are Cramping

This one’s got a lot going on. The request to magically change a grade from a D- to a B+, comedic misuse of “literally,” and an immediate admission that the student in question won’t even be attending class the following day due to hand cramps. Wow.


6. What?!

Update: She got her extension. And sweet baby Jesus, she clearly needed it.


7. Dropping the L-Bomb

Following up “I am confirming my compliance” with “love you” sounds unsettling.


8. A Case of Mistaken Identity

But seriously… this writer has no idea what the hell the question in the above email is about. (Which is why he was a comm student.)


9. “Practice? We Talking About Practice?” 

This video of Allen Iverson might be the most relevant thing of all-time:


10. Unlimited Breadsticks

Olive Garden will always be a guilty pleasure.


11. “I Will Most Likelly Not Be Normal Again Until At Least Thanksinvg Turkey”

“love you bye”

This one was so good it made the Huffington Post. 


12. #shootyourshot2018 

This one isn’t actually a screwup—we wanted to end on a bright note. It’s difficult for us to believe this is true, but gosh, we want to believe.